Vacation
by SpeedBump
Summary: L/M, Chapter 2! dramatically shorter! I don't know what else to say
1. Chapter 1

ugh...what's wrong with me! I have work I need to do!...anywho, I just thought it would be fun to make a series of independent L/M stories involving drinking...or I thought that it would be fun, we'll all see together...

Luke smiled as he stepped out onto the veranda of his private quarters on Yavin 4. The sun was just breaking behind the tree tops and a thin mist still shrouded the grounds below him. Already he could hear groups of students moving between the sleeping huts, heading for breakfast in the dining hall, their voices carrying out to him in the mist. Today marked the first day of the summer break from classes for those enrolled. It was a time for them to return home, or for their families to come visit them here on the grounds, for other just to enjoy a break, for some to go, for some new ones to come. He had never found transition periods comfortable, but he did find himself looking forward to the summer break each year. Normally Leia came down with Han and the kids and it was a chance for all of them to relax and be unobserved and themselves. Leia normally used it as an excuse to celebrate their birthday while they were there, which gave the students a good excuse to set up several nights of music and dancing and drinking and sneaking off into the jungle together. Luke had always felt conflicted about the paradox of Jedi students engaging in such worldly pursuits, but the fighter pilot in him whispered that a life of extreme discipline was just as unbalanced as a life left wholly to whim and fancy. He smiled. Leia and Han would be arriving later in the week. He was looking forward to it. Stretching out, he let the Force fill him as he renewed his anchor in it. He took a deep breath and let his sense extend out above the tops of the trees, out towards the faded stars. His attention was caught. Frowning, Luke focused on the ship approaching their world. And felt the familiar jolt to his spine as her sense encountered his. There was the normal burst of annoyance and irritation, but below that, there was a hint of something else, something more serious he couldn't place. He found himself smiling and could feel her rolling her eyes. Miles above Yavin, unexpected but not unwelcome, Mara Jade was preparing for her descent to Yavin.

Mara sighed stared at the green growing closer in her view screen. She had felt Luke make contact several minuets ago. She always forgot, after she hadn't seen him for a while, exactly how powerful his calm presence was. It's effect momentarily took her by surprise and she covered it with annoyance. She could feel his warm recognition from the planet below and she couldn't stop herself from rolling her eyes. She felt Luke's smile and his presence departed. Sighing again, Mara scrubbed her face. She was uneasy with her reasons for showing up unexpectedly at Luke's Academy. She supposed that it was only natural that not taking a vacation from her fast-paced and often dangerous work for several years, or in fact ever, would burn anybody out. She had never thought to think of herself as someone who was subject to needing personal time, but she couldn't deny that she had found herself caring less and less when the pressure was on. After her last trading mission was done she had sat in the backworld bar the entire rest of the day, not even drinking, just watching. Alone.

Her mind was fuzzy, she couldn't understand it. Work had always been her guiding force, her pillar of strength. So long as she had a job to do, a challenge laid out before her, she was occupied, busy, the rest didn't matter. Work had helped her regain order and structure to her life, it had given her strength. And then the dreams had started. She normally didn't dream. She had had a few nightmares for a few years after the Emperor had fallen. And some of the things she had done still haunted her, but for the most part she had come to view those incidents as something she was forced to do, being completely within Emperor's control at such an early age. Luke had helped her with that, weather he meant to or not. Mara sighed. But this dream was different. There was a beautiful glow to this dream, there was the sensation of joy, of peace, of being secure. She awoke with wisps of it clinging to her, aching for more. Mara rolled her eyes. Only she would be losing sleep over a happy dream.

In any event, Karrade had noticed and ordered her to take leave. The thought of the small cold apartment she kept on Corsecrunt was just as bad as her ship and so, sleep deprived and bone-weary, she had set the course for Yavin and Skywalker and all his "feelings." She turned her decision over in her mind once again, snorted and keyed in the landing sequence as her ship approached.

She wasn't surprised to find Luke waiting for her as she descended the plank from her ship. She was surprised to see him wearing flight pants and a t-shirt without his lightsaber at his side. She felt him smile at her from across the airfield and she couldn't help herself from rolling her eyes as she moved towards him.

She noticed that he took her to a guest suite in his private apartments on the grounds. When she silently raised her eyebrow he shrugged and explained it was summer break and the student dorms were at capacity with family visits.

"Besides," He went on. "you've got your own balcony and bathroom, and uninterrupted view of the jungle. And we're on holidays, I'm not teaching anyone anything, so you don't have to see anyone or do anything if you don't want to." Implying himself. Mara felt ungrateful and idiotic. She shook her head.

"Thank you, this will be great." She muttered. Luke smiled.

"Let me know if you need anything." He moved towards the door ruffling his hair absently. Mara stared at the small bed pushed up against the window that led onto the balcony. Luke turned at the door and she could feel his touch on the outskirts of herself. "It's good to see you again, Mara." the door shut quietly behind him.

Mara sat on the edge of the bed and stared at the door. She slipped off her boots and slipped into the bed. She didn't know what she wanted to do, but for the first time in a long time bed seemed like a good idea. She could feel Skywalker moving away, his presence fading into the others around the area, but always separate and distinct. On a whim, she closed her eyes and attempted a rudimentary Jedi healing trance.

When she awoke the room was dark. She swung her legs out of bed for a long moment, her feet growing cold on the tile of her room. She took a deep breath and was surprised to feel that her mind was relatively clear. Sighing, she fumbled in the dark for her toiletry kit and headed for the shower.

When she emerged clean, her wet hair smoothed back from her face, she was surprised again to feel alert and ready. Her stomach rumbled unexpectedly, and she set about dressing for breakfast, whatever time it was. Stretching out her sense, she felt Luke nearby and conscious. She hesitated on the doorsill, but her stomach goaded her onwards.

She slipped silently down the darkened hall, and aided by the Force, she maneuvered her way into the kitchen. Luke recognized her presence, but had no other reaction to her movement. Snooping in his ice box, she found a half-gone loaf of bread and a small wheel of cheese. More importantly, she found the caf. Ten minuets later, awake and feeling better than she had for months, Mara cast about for Luke, wondering if the smell of the caf had reached him. She located him on the balcony across from the sitting area next to the kitchen. His back was to her and he was wearing a thin shirt and loose pants. It occurred to her that they must be his pyjamas. She stood for a long moment at the window, watching him, watching the breeze riffle through his hair like a sleepy six year old. She felt him notice her there and she sighed, decision made. She opened the door and stepped out onto the balcony. The morning was silent, still, and the edges of light were just starting to warm the horizon. She dropped into the chair next to him, setting the cup of caf on the table between them.

"I found your caf." She kept her tone muted. Luke glanced at her affably and nodded. His hair was ruffled and windswept. He took the cup from her and sipped it. She turned her eyes to the view as Skywalker remained uncharacteristically silent. She felt his focus drift outward to the jungle. She glanced at him, his face lined with sleep and the encroachments of age in the dim light. Mara glanced down at her own hands and then again at the tree tops as the wind moved off a ribbon of clouds between the sky and horizon and a stream of light slit the dimness. She felt him processing thoughts beside her, felt his mind turning, cycling, grinding away, then it calmed, smoothed, and subsided into it's usual deep presence. After a moment, he glanced at her.

"got some plans for today?" His voice was soft and sleepy. Mara glanced at him and shook her head.

"not really." He smiled and looked back at the sunrise, took another sip from the cup. The wind pulled a still-wet lock of Mara's hair across her face and she moved it back behind her ear. Raising her hands, she raked them back through her hair, out through the tangles, again and again until she had shaped it into a ponytail that she quickly fastened in place with a band from her wrist. Smoothing her hand back over her hair once more, she suddenly was aware that Luke was watching her and his focus was again on the edge of her being. Blinking, she snapped a glance off at him. He shook himself and she felt him tear his focus away.

"sorry." He muttered into the cup. "it's just been a long time since there's been a woman around." Mara felt her blood rush in her ears as her breath froze in her throat and she said nothing, staring at the trees swaying in the wind before them. Luke didn't seem to notice and after a time, the sun was fully risen, but once again obscured by low heavy clouds and they could hear the call and chatter of late-rising students on their ways to the dining hall below them. Luke shifted in his seat.

"you've got things to do?" She forced herself to break the silence. Her voice seemed harsh in her ears. Luke glanced at her.

"nope. Maybe a hike in the jungle, and probably some drinking later." Mara raised her eyebrows.

"Drinking?" She was skeptical of Skywalker's concept of the activity. Luke grinned.

"Too much discipline is just as dangerous as not enough, Jade." She found herself amused at his attempt at being cryptic. On an impulse she didn't quite fully register, she slid the half-full, still-warm cup of caf from his hand and stole a sip. (A/N: one sentence, TWO HYPHENS!) She felt his eyes on the side of her face.

"Drinking what?" Her tone implied watered-down caf. She met his gaze evenly and returned the cup of bitter liquid to his palm. His fingertips brushed against the inside of her wrist as she drew her hand back. She felt his gentle amusement.

"spring water purified with prayer and sacrifice and the tears of virgins." She rolled her eyes but felt herself relax.

They spent the day quietly on the covered balcony watching the rain pour down. After much jibing from Mara, Luke broke out a bottle of Corelian whiskey and a deck of sabacc cards and they played on the porch for the rest of the afternoon, taking shots and arguing like they were teenagers again. She had to admit that watching Luke get drunk was one of the more entertaining experiences she'd had in a long time. His face got red and his words ran together with youthful enthusiasm and he looked every inch the rookie rebel fighter pilot she'd heard speak of She found herself caught up in Luke's exuberance and she allowed herself to be swept away with it.

Luke gave up first, folding his hand and refusing further alcohol, rubbing his face. Mara smiled, victorious and they lay there for a while in the late light, just the sound of the rain between them.

"I never get over that sound." Luke muttered Mara glanced at him fuzzily where he lay, his eyes closed.

"what?"

"the rain. It's so magical. It smells great, and makes everything calm and quiet and still-" He broke off, and Mara found herself smiling. "don't you like it?" He finished. Mara turned to watch the drops sheeting down. She had been ten the first time she'd seen rain.

"how old were you when you first saw rain?" She muttered. Luke glanced at her.

"I dunno, seventeen? It was in the swamp with Yoda. I freaked out and thought the world was ending." He smiled again. "why? how old were you?" Mara sighed.

"ten." Luke glanced at her.

"what about Coruscant?" She glanced at him, met his eyes, wavering in her resolve.

"not until I was ten. He had me back and forth on ships for most of my childhood." Luke sighed and after a long moment she heard him mutter,

"That bastard." She sighed. "he took both our childhoods, huh?" Luke continued, mostly to himself. Mara studied the strong lines of his face in profile. They had discussed some of the trauma she had endured at the hands of the Emperor and his father over the years, but mainly as isolated incidences and never as part of a larger narrative. He was right though, so much of their early lives, while worlds apart, had hinged on the insane delusions of a dying, raving, power-drunk insipid old fool. Mara rubbed her hands over her face and was alarmed to find that she was suddenly close to tears. She felt Luke's swift interest.

"So what is it, Mara?" Luke muttered behind his hand, sounding surprisingly coherent. Mara found herself standing and moving to the railing on the balcony, crossing her arms. The warm breeze blew in and she felt the moisture in her eyes wobble treacherously. She bit her lip and the feeling of her dream returned to her, of warmth and security and the crushing pain of it's absence overwhelmed her and she felt panicked, lost, suffocated and then she felt her consciousness encounter Luke and he snagged her, anchored her, and in a burst of drunken courage, she went chasing after the fleeting memory.

She was small, her hands were chubby and clumsy and her hair was short and blew freely across her face. She was barefoot on a mixture of grass and dirt and there was a larger, firmer hand holding hers. She looked up and saw a woman, older than herself, but with the same red hair smiling distractedly at her and speaking to her in a language whose cadence was only faintly familiar. Before her was a slow river, lined with round smooth rocks and she heard splashing and calling around her. As she stared at the woman, she smiled, bent close and gathered Mara in her arms, sweeping her up off the riverbank and into the air above her head. Mara felt joy sweeping through her and she waved her chubby arms in delight. The woman whooped and cradled her against her hip, muttering to her in the same strange language. Mara felt comfort and peace spread through her as the woman laughed and squeezed her once again and Mara tangled her tiny hands in the woman's hair and she felt the calmness settle to the bottom of her soul,

The glow faded and the vision disappeared and Mara found herself adult-sized once again on the balcony with Luke's presence anchoring hers. She raised her head and found him watching her intently, leaning forward on the edge of her chair, his blue eyes bright, and she felt the question in his sense and she knew he hadn't been privy to her memory. And then she thought of her mother's face, and she felt her drunken tears overwhelm her and she tried to turn away, but then he was beside her, his hand on her back, and his sense enveloping hers. Panicking, she pushed, shoved violently, kicked at him, but she was openly sobbing now, and she found her fists quietly captured in his and he pulled her roughly against him, his arms circling her back, binding her to him,smothering her wild struggles. She could hear the rumble of his voice in his chest by her ear and for the first time, ever, her emotions surging violently through her, struggling to escape, Mara Jade surrendered, leaning against Luke's warmth, hiccuping uncontrollable sobs, gripping the thin material of his shirt until her hands were fists pressed against his back and her biceps ached with the force with which she was holding onto him. She felt his chest expand and contract with his slow calm breaths, and then she felt one of his hands holding her head softly and he pressed his lips to her temple and there was something so gentle and beautiful about the gesture, the drunkeness and unamable emotion raged up in her and she raised her face and blindly, recklessly, met his mouth squarely with her own.

She felt a shockwave ripple out of him, but, she was beyond caring, her arms were circling his neck, pressing herself against him with all the force in her body and her raging emotions found a focus. She felt his moment of hesitation, and then his sense ignited and his rough hand slipped against her neck and he kissed her back, crushing her mouth against his. Drunkenly, they stumbled backwards, through the door and down the hallway.

The next morning Mara found herself naked and alone in Luke's bed. She lay there for a long time, blinking at the ceiling. After some hesitant and careful probing, she found that she was alone on the premises. Emotions coursed through her and for a long time she worked at simply breathing normally. Finally, sighing explosively, she sat up and flipped the covers back. Scrounging around, she located her clothing in various piles around the bed and beat a hasty retreat to her room, cursing the crushing sense of vulnerability settling over her. It had happened, there was nothing to be done about it now. For a brief moment, as she stood in her room, part of her considered the urge to race for her ship and beat a hasty retreat from Yavin. But somehow the thought of being alone on her spaceship for the rest of her "vacation" filled her with a sickening dread and she abandoned the notion. She set her teeth and set about taking a shower.

She spent the day alone, sitting on the balcony, watching the moody weather, running back through the events of last night with alternately surreal acceptance and panic-inducing levels of insecurity. The inside of her cheeks were raw from being clenched between her jaws, and her nails had been run ragged. Gritting her teeth again, Mara forcibly turned her thoughts to the memory he had helped her recover.

She had never known her mother, and she didn't quite know what to make of the sudden knowledge. But she could still feel the memory of her mother's embrace like a warm stone, filling a gap in her soul she had never been aware of. Unbidden, the memory of Luke gently kissing her temple rose in her, and her emotional chaos exploded once more. Mara swore disgustedly and leaned back in her chair.

She was still sitting on the balcony when she saw him return late in the day, striding out of the jungle, holding some kind of pole and bucket. She felt her chest constrict tighten. She felt his sense encounter hers and felt his flash of surprise. She realized that he must have expected her to be several hundred light years away by now and Mara swore under her breath as embarrassment rose in her. She heard him enter his quarters and start rustling around, opening cabinets and drawers, but he made no further contact and she began to wonder if she'd imagined the encounter. Gradually, the smell of fried fish drifted out to her and she felt her stomach rumble. She remembered that she hadn't eaten all day, but she found herself unable to move from her chair, pinned by an overwhelming awkwardness and insecurity.

Finally, he came to her. Mutely, he handed her a glass of wine and set about preparing the table for a meal. Heart pounding, Mara covertly watched the light from the candle he'd lit flicker over his features as he moved easily around the balcony. He seemed unconcerned, but not eager to discuss anything either. When he returned with two plates, he made benign conversation and she hesitantly answered and they, the both of them, sat around, eating dinner and pretending nothing had changed. That night they slept in their respective rooms.

After a few polite but distant days, Mara found herself, in the odd idle moments when her body and mind were relaxed, reliving Luke's pleasant weight pressing her downward, the scratch of his stubble against her skin, the hitch in his breathing, of feeling his heartbeat against her own, and at the end, when they still lay together, of the perfect quiet and the silence between them, when he had traced patterns on her stomach with his rough fingers until he had fallen asleep. Mara chastised herself. Of course it was nice, she told herself, it had been years and years since she'd been to bed with a man, and she had been drunk and desperately in need of an outlet for a torrent of painful and confusing emotions. Mara sighed. For his part, Luke didn't seem to have given their encounter a second thought, although he did seem quieter. They went on as usual, but Mara found herself increasingly haunted by the memories of that evening, when the sun would glint in the stubble on his chin, or when his thin t-shirt hinted at the shape of his shoulders, or when she would catch him looking at her and she would be frozen a few moments, her chest tight with suppressed breath.

Two night later she lay awake in her bed, once again reliving those moments in that silent calm that drew her attention so, and wondering what Luke thought about it all. She felt the swirl of his consciousness and knew she wasn't the only one awake. Adrenaline shot through her and Mara rolled her eyes. There was no hope of sleep now. Boiling with frustration, Mara found herself slipping out of her room and padding barefoot down the dark hall, to Luke's door. Her breath was loud in her temples and she was ashamed to feel the weakness in her hands and she slowly turned the knob. She felt his attention and biting her lip, she quickly pushed the door open and shut it softly behind her. Luke's room was near perfect dark, and she heard his bed creak as he half-way sat up, but he still didn't say anything, and face burning, Mara found the side of the covers and slipped under, stopping just short of brushing against him. She could feel his body heat on the sheets pricking the shaved folicles of her legs. After a moment, she cautiously rolled to face him where he lay, motionless and she could feel his mind turning next to her. Her breath was burning in her lungs and she willed her jaw to unclench and her stomach to loosen. She once again felt the decision in his sense, and he turned towards her, and his hand cupped her face and she felt the warmth of his sense envelop her and the breath burst from her and she felt him smile as heat flooded her face. He leaned to kiss her and Mara slid backwards, enthralled by the smooth ply of his back muscles under her palms and the scratch of his stubble against her cheek and the weight of his warm chest pressed against her own. There was a deliberateness this time, or maybe it was because they weren't drunk, but his languid purposefulness sent her senses reeling and she felt his gentle amusement. This time she couldn't keep from smiling back against his mouth.

The first time had been mostly an accident. The second was much less so.

The next morning Mara awoke to find herself naked and bereft of covers in Luke's bed. Grumpily, she squinted against the light seeping into his quarters and found that he had stolen the covers like the unsophisticated farmboy he was, sleeping sprawled on the other side of the bed, drooling on the pillow, the covers twisted across him, but mostly on the floor. Irritated, Mara crawled across him to pull the sheets back onto the bed, taking care to avoid touching him. Pulling the covers up around her ears she tried to go back to sleep, but having habitually been an early riser, her body did not co-operate. Worse still, her cover-retrieving sortie had awoken the snoring monster and he shifted towards her, pulling on the covers. Frowning with her eyes closed, she gripped them tighter. There was a pause and she felt Luke's sense faintly sharpen. There was a second tug on the covers and she again resisted, annoyance flooding her sense. There was a long pause and unable to take the suspense, she cracked one eye open. Luke's eyes were closed, but he was smiling. There was a sharp tug and his eyes opened, openly grinning at her now. Glaring at him, Mara rolled as quickly as she could, dragging the covers with her and whipping them out of Luke's grasp. There was a short, sharp exclamation and Luke tackled her, trying to regain cover. She was faintly surprised to hear herself laughing and turned into him, trapped by his arms, the heat and weight of his body warming her through the sheets. His hair was rumpled and he had creases on his face from his over-active sleeping. He smiled back at her.

"good morning." he muttered and leaned in to kiss her and she felt heat flood through her again and she knew she was blushing. She felt him laugh and glared up at him. His hand brushed her hair back from her forehead and he drew his eyes down her face, smiling softly and for a long moment the only thing between them was their breath. Mara unwillingly felt his smile echoed on her own face. Embarrassment coursing through her, unable to take anymore, she violently shoved at him, taking advantage of his surprise and made a break for his bathroom, clutching the sheets with her as she went. She felt him laughing in the other room. She opened the door and tossed the sheets out and slammed the door shut again, being sure to lock it loudly. She set about to take a shower, but she stood for a long time in front of the mirror, griping the sides of the sink, looking at her own face staring back at her. Finally, she shook herself out of her stupor and stepped into the steam.

When she got out of the shower and dressed, they made breakfast. Luke made the caf and maneuvered around the kitchen, getting in her way trying to help. They were mostly silent, but Mara sensed no tension and felt herself relax a little, but she found far too much of her concentration being pulled by the way his hair glinted in the morning light, or the broadness of his palm on the caf cup. She bit the inside of her cheek and avoided his eyes.

Later, the rain had stopped and Luke persuaded Mara to go for a brief hike in the jungle, which turned out to be a lot muddier than he had expected and thus less successful. He was undaunted, however, and insisted on drawing her farther and farther into the wilderness, down twisting, looping narrow trails. She felt him ahead of her, his focus sweeping the undergrowth, absorbing it all, drawing from it like a well of strength.

They were well under the jungle canopy now, and protected from the light rain that had resumed it's drizzle. Luke topped a rise and paused for a moment. Mara heard the distant sound of rushing water. Stopping behind him she saw a natural pool formed ahead of them where a stream coursed down a rocky hillside. Transfixed by the serenity of the hidden oasis, Mara failed to notice that Luke had bent down and was removing his boots. Then with a whoop, he jumped up and raced towards the water, stripping off his shirt as he went. Taken aback, Mara watched him crash headlong into the water, making the largest splash possible. She bit her bottom lip against smiling as his head popped up and he swam the length of the pool to the waterfall. She picked up his boots and shirt as she meandered down the hill and found a rock near the shore. Luke turned at the far corner and started back towards her, she watched the strong motion of his shoulders glinting in the half-light as he approached. He stopped just short of the shore and stood, his chest above the waterline. He shook his head, slinging water from his hair and Mara tore her eyes away from his exposed skin.

"Well Jade?" He rubbed his nose. Mara felt her mouth dry.

"Well what?" She sounded more terse than she meant to. Luke smiled.

"you coming in?" Mara rubbed her face, unsure. It had been years since she'd been swimming, and the prospect of doing so with Skywalker in a state of undress made her nervous for reasons she didn't care to examine or explain. Awkwardly she stood.

"not if you're gonna stand there and watch me undress." She muttered, hoping the sudden heat in her cheeks wasn't noticeable. She felt Luke's flash of amusement.

"really?" He chuckled, but caught the flash of Mara's glare. "ah, fine." and swung around, in the water, his back to her. Mara felt awkward and stupid as she stripped off her outer shirt, which was thankfully dark-colored, pulled off her boots, and after a glance at Skywalker's broad back, pulled off her pants too, rushing into the water and setting off for the waterfall immediately.

She felt him spring into action when she hit the water, giving chase. She had always been a strong swimmer, but even with her head start, she only just beat him to the waterfall. He pulled up beside her smiling, the exertion flushing his cheeks.

Mara rolled her eyes. She felt him glance over her and it suddenly occurred to her that he was trying to see what she was wearing and without thinking she struck out at him. He adroitly caught her wrist and she could feel his sheepishness return.

"Sorry." He muttered. But he didn't let go of her hand, and Mara found herself drifting toward him and the water droplets that were clinging to his stubble. Embarrassment rose in her cheeks, and she tried to remove her hand, but Luke held it fast. and she felt his other hand gently on her waist beneath her shirt and above the line of her underwear. He quietly met her eyes and his sense of calm purpose sent a thrill of terror through her. He shifted his weight and she knew he was giving her time to pull away, time to refuse him, but the haunting secret came back to her, and she knew that her shields were low enough that he sensed it, and she realized she was staring at his mouth, unable to force herself away from the pull of his calm, deep presence. She felt his faint touch and adrenaline spiked her stomach in response. He raised his hand to her cheek and drew her lips to his. For a long moment she felt herself awkward, wooden in his arms, and then she felt his presence wrap around her again and a slow, white heat burned upwards from her stomach, burning away her resistance. She found herself sliding her elbow over his shoulder and behind his neck, allowing herself to float into him, against him, reveling in the scratch of his whiskers against her cheeks and the feeling of his bare slippery skin against her own. His hand left her face and circled her back, binding her to him, as the hand on her waist slipped lower and down the outside of her hip and thigh. The material of his pants was rough against her bare legs and it was a few good minuets before Luke gently drew back, turning them around, seeking more secure footing.

Mara felt embarrassment flood her as she came back to herself and Luke glanced down at her. She hid her face against his shoulder as her back touched the rocky outcropping of the pool and one of her feet touched the sandy bottom next to Luke's. She felt him smile and his breath puffed against her cheek. and it was silent again between them, only the sound of the waterfall behind them and the lapping of the water against the rocks as Mara avoided his eyes, cheeks burning. After a few moments, his hand raised her chin and he pressed a kiss to her mouth. Mara inhaled and her arm on his neck pulled him closer as she was unable to stop from pressing back against him. She read no expectation in his sense and after a time his hands loosened and he drifted a little away from her. She ran her wet hands over her burning face, ashamed at her reaction. Luke caught one of her hands and drew her away, back into the pool. He seemed unconcerned with her embarrassment, and they spent a little more time just swimming lazily and silently.

Finally, he stood and waded ashore where she had dropped their clothes, his pants heavy with water and riding low on his hips. He sat down on the rock and bent his head to pull on his boots and Mara made her way cautiously towards him. She felt the sharp focus of his attention, and his eyes strayed from his boot laces. Biting her lip, blushing furiously, she awkwardly drew on her own dry pants and outer shirt. A small part of her was proud that she had kept her dancer's figure all these years, that it would draw Luke's gaze so. She felt Luke relax next to her and she sat to lace up her own boots. He straightened next to her and she could feel his burning gaze against the side of her face and her fingers felt large and clumsy on her boot laces. Heat rose again in her throat. When she glanced at him he looked away.

She noticed that he resisted the urge to put his shirt back on, and her gaze was fastened on his shoulders more often than she cared to admit as they made their way back towards the school.

Once back at his quarters, Mara headed straight for her shower, determined to corral her emotions. (A/N: Damn, she takes a lot of showers...wtf?) She could feel him wandering about in his rooms, and irritatingly, she sensed no undercurrent of upheaval from him. Glaring at her shower wall, Mara shut the water off viciously and scrubbed herself dry with the towel. Shaking out her hair, she pulled on clean dry clothes and set off for the kitchen. She found him on the balcony, already showered. He didn't turn around when she opened the door. It was raining again, and the light was dying quickly. She stepped next to him on the railing and crossed her arms against her stomach. The wind brought the smell of his soap to her and she bit her lip as heat surged again in her cheeks. He glanced at her and fury built in her that he should have such an effect. She turned to face him sharply and he looked at her.

"listen, just because-" she found her voice was high and thin. She broke off. "don't think that you can-" She felt his warmth surround her and her anger gave out, dissipated, left her hanging there, speechless and churning, watching the curve of his face in the shadow, helpless to pretend that she didn't wish he would touch her again, to pretend it was only a physical reaction because it had been far too many years since she'd had a lover. She knew exactly what she wished for and wanted, and the knowledge left her weak, exposed, powerless, bare before him.

She met his eyes in the darkness, and shivered as his hand once again brushed against her waist, his fingers splaying against her back as he shifted towards her. Adrenaline rushing through her system, Mara found herself reaching up, her arms circling his neck as his lips fitted once again against her own and her hearing turned to a dull roar as blood raced through her temples. Heat coursed over her in waves, his hands were like fire across her skin and she could feel his heart leaping against her own chest. Luke gently but haphazardly pushed them backwards through the door and down the hall

Later they lay in the dark of his bedroom, she felt her pulse slowing, her breath calming, and oddly enough her mind was clear and peaceful. Luke's strong hand moved idly against her stomach and a shiver crept across her. Sleepily she turned towards him and her last coherent thought was a sense of happiness emanating from him. Luke stayed awake a while longer, watching her sleep, his pulse and thoughts still speeding along his veins.

The first time had been mostly an accident, the second was much less so, by the third time, it was becoming a pattern.

(A/N: I just realized that sounds like a pattern for serial killers...creepy! :))

She emerged a little while later to find Luke in the kitchen preparing breakfast. She leaned against the threshold, watching him. She pressed her cheek against the cool wood of the doorway, unable to sort through all that she felt. After a time, he noticed her and a smile quirked the corner of his mouth. She rolled her eyes and moved to lean against the counter on the far side of the kitchen. The whole business was faintly alarming, and she felt stiff and awkward and mostly embarrassed again. It was more than embarrassment, it was embarrassment about being embarrassed. She caught the inside of her cheek between her teeth and stared blankly at the empty plate before her. To her credit, she supposed, she hadn't gone sprinting off for her ship the first time he'd invaded her personal space. Not too many years before and she would have. Which, she reflected, Luke probably knew, and his silence was probably his attempt to give her space. Which further re-enforced that Luke indeed knew her too well, and was exactly the right person to invade her life to begin with.

Mara sighed explosively and glanced at him where he stood next to her, shoveling an omlette of sorts onto the two plates. He met her gaze and she knew her thought had not gone unremarked. A part of her wondered if it was in her to be worth his trouble. He set the pan down and his hand brushed against her cheek. She flinched back, surprised, and Luke stilled, watching her. She glanced at him and she could feel his irritating earnestness, but below that, she felt his stillness. She hesitated, torn between fear and desire. Luke's hand slowly fell. Mara bit her lip and looked down at where it rested on the countertop next to her. After a long moment, in which Mara inwardly yelled at herself, she slowly covered his hand with hers, heart pounding, embarrassment filling her. She felt him smile inwardly, and his body moved to block hers against the counter and his breath brushed her cheek again as fire rushed to fill her chest.

She felt him abruptly halt, and she was unable to stop herself from turning her face into his, resting against his jaw. He obligingly leaned against her, but his forward momentum had stopped and she felt him slowly withdrawing. Puzzled and more than a little confused, she followed him back through his barriers and froze in shock as she felt the proximity of five distinct presences. One of them fluctuated between happiness and surprise as it encountered her. Luke sighed in her hair and she felt his hand come up to cup her cheek and he kissed her by her ear.

"my sister. I forgot she was coming this week." He muttered resignation filling his sense as Mara felt trepidation fill hers. She bit her lip and moved to extricate herself from his arms. Luke let her go, but she felt his eyes on her as she crossed the small kitchen to lean against the opposite counter, crossing her arms against her stomach. Luke watched her and she felt panic flare.

"what are we-? how are going-?" Mara found it impossible to continue. It all just sounded too ridiculous to verbalize. Luke sighed and rubbed his face.

"Leia and Han will stay in one of the guest cottages, you're welcome to your suite and to hang out with us. They'll be here a week or two." Mara felt her nails cutting into her palms, trying not to picture Leia's discerning gaze, or Solo's knowing winks. She once again felt Luke's quiet stillness across from her. He sighed. "As much as I know you're ready to tell the world about-" Luke gestured at the air between them, "-whatever this is, I'm sure you'd agree that we should try and keep it quiet for the time being." Biting her lip, she raised her eyes to his and knew she was flushing. He was faintly smiling behind his scruff and she felt ashamed at her vulnerabilities. She took a deep breath and nodded. Luke slid a fork across the center aisle towards her. "better eat. They'll be here soon."

Indeed they were there, very soon. Luke went to meet them, Mara stayed in her quarters, biting her nails and watching the forest. She heard him return later, after the sun had set, and was surprised to find him alone. She leaned against the door frame of the kitchen, watching as he made himself some caf. The half-light of the kitchen highlighted his hair and she noticed that he had shaved.

"you're getting a little creepy with the watching." He muttered. Mara rolled her eyes and shifted to sit on the countertop just inside the door, searching for something to say.

"how's the family?" She found it odd that with all that had changed in the past few days that her voice still sounded the same. Luke smiled.

"great. Kids are getting bigger now. Leia's making breakfast tomorrow, she said you should come." (A/N: okay, this story is not really about Leia and Han and the cute little kids, k? I dunno if you've noticed, but we really don't care about them at all :)) He met her eyes from across the kitchen over the rim of his mug and she glanced away. There was a long silence. The sharp click of pottery as he set his mug down snapped her eyes back to him. There was a change in his sense. She met his eyes and felt the brush of his presence like a thrill down her spine. He was moving purposefully towards her. She caught the inside of her cheek between her teeth and she was suddenly intensely aware that her hair was down and she was wearing only her sleeping clothes. Reaching her, he leaned forward and placed his hands flat on the countertop behind her, deliberately easing his torso between her knees, almost touching her, almost. Adrenaline spiked in her stomach as he met her eyes and she felt once again helpless to resist, hanging there, waiting, breathless, heart pounding. His eyes flicked down her face and he smiled wistfully and seemed content simply to stay there, tranquil, tracing her face with his eyes, waiting. Precisely for what was beyond her, and anticipation turning to frustration, one hand hooked under his shoulder and the other found the nape of his neck. She briefly met his eyes and she felt humor ripple over his sense and she pulled him to her.

The fourth time she began to hope for a fifth.

Breakfast turned out to be only slightly awkward. Leia had apparently been informed about her presence, but that news had not yet made its way to Solo, who spent a few good minuets staring shifty-eyed between Luke and herself apparently trying to sniff out if their arrival together implied something more than their relationship was. Mara met his gaze evenly and Leia elbowed him stiffly in the ribs and he grunted and asked Luke out to their patio where, as Solo put it, he might resume his "uncling duties" unencumbered by furniture or walls. Leia warmly drew Mara into the kitchen and Mara found herself impressed with the normailty she assumed in the simple household task of preparing breakfast for her family. For sure she had all meals cooked and provided for her and her family by a wide array of staff and cooks for quite a few years. Certainly with her royal background cooking was not a skill she had needed in her repertoire, ever. Mara found herself chopping peppers and onions for the omlettes Leia was making while Leia chattered on with small talk. Mara found herself relaxing despite her misgivings. Organa-Solo obviously wasn't giving her presence in her family vacation a second thought, and she knew that the small talk was probably a strategy employed by the diplomat to allow Mara to get her own bearing and she found herself quietly grateful for Leia's subtle insight. She could feel Luke laughing on the patio with Han, and the three bundles of energy and exuberance that were the children. Then a door banged sharply and Luke and Han entered, all lugging some type of small human.

"We're hungry!" Jacein announced from Luke's shoulders. Leia smiled.

"it's almost ready. Did you wash your hands?" She turned a formidable mother-look on her progeny. Luke lowered Jacein by his armpit.

"Go wash your hands." He firmly turned his nephew by his shoulders in the direction of the washroom. "you too Jaina." She felt the young girl's interest flit across her own, but the girl turned and marched solomly after her brother. Luke grinned at Han who was sneaking fried meat from the table with one hand as he held the youngest against his chest. Leia fixed him with a look.

"you too, sir." Han made a face.

"fair enough. Here you are Jade, back in a minuet." Mara, not processing his words, turned and found herself in one of her most surreal experiences of her life, holding the year old, Skywalker off-spring, Darth Vader throwback, Annakin. She could feel Luke smiling at the shock she knew rippled out of her and she sent the Corelian's back a death glare, but she was stuck, she couldn't drop him. Who knew kids were this heavy? She glanced awkwardly down at him and found him staring back up at her with huge serious eyes. She felt Organa-Solo's attention fixate on the situation, as any mother would if her youngest and most defensless off-spring was in the clutches of a murderous ex-assasin, Mara told herself. After a long moment, Mara's attention caught by the tiny perfection and wise-ness of the tiny face, ignoring Leia and Luke's focus, and in a half-remembered moment from her dream, shifted him to a more natural position against her hip and he gurgled at her. She felt Leia relax and Luke's silent laughter. Anniken waved his tiny hands at her braid, and after a moment, she indulged him, letting him grasp the tail of it. He gurgled delightedly and tried to stick it in his mouth.

"Aww see? He likes you." Leia said at the stove. Mara avoided both of their eyes. It was, she admitted, the first time she had ever held an infant, and she was surprised it wasn't more complicated. He was extremely happy to put the end of her hair in his mouth and stare at her with his big round eyes. She felt a loosening in her chest and Han came storming back in with the twins.

"let's eat! I'll take the big guy." He deftly slipped Anniken from her grasp and winked at her in that cocky-rogueish way he had. Mara stifled her impulse to throw something at him. Anniken began to lament the loss of her braid to chew on, but Solo bounced him a few times and he reverted back to just staring at Mara. She bit the inside of her cheek and defiantly met the burning weight of Luke's gaze. He was smiling ironically at her and she felt a small flush creep up her cheeks.

The rest of breakfast was surprisingly fine, Leia fed Anniken and Han engaged Mara in a discussion of upcoming Corellian politics that Leia half-listened to but refused to engage in. Luke half listened and half participated with his older niece and nephew in discussions about things they liked and didn't like. Mara felt the twins passing interest once or twice, but strangely as well, found herself relaxing. It was a chaotic and noisy meal, but it didn't put her on edge like she had expected.

The first week of their stay was fine, Luke was gone a lot more with his niece and nephew, and Leia found plenty of activities to invite Mara to, but Mara found she didn't quite mind as much as much as she had thought she might. They were a happy little family and there was something so nice about watching their genuine interactions it lulled her into a false sense of security. It was the middle of the second week and Leia had invited them for dinner and it was after the meal, watching the twins play hide-and-go-see in the grass behind the hut with Han. Mara was standing, holding a glass of wine, very near to a public smile, and Luke came up behind her. He and Han had been drinking a little that evening, and in his gentle buoyancy and good humor, he touched the small of her back and muttered something to her and she suddenly realized that they were almost a part of this whole scene before them and she was overwhelmed. She moved slightly, out of his reach and didn't answer. Luke, remembering, let her go. Later, when they returned to his quarters, she couldn't help but be tight-lipped and mute. Sensing her mood, Luke didn't push her, but for the first night in a week and a half she started down the hallway towards her own bedroom. Luke snagged her hand and before she could help herself she snatched it away. Not staying to see the hurt she knew was on his face, she kept going down the hall and didn't stop until the comforting dark of her own room enclosed her and she was alone with just the sound of her own breath. She lay down on her bed fully dressed and waited.

Later, when she felt Luke fall asleep, she moved, stripping her clothes from the closet and stuffing them in her bag. It wasn't until she was keying in warm-up sequences in the cold silence of her empty ship that she realized her hands were shaking. She grew still in the captain's chair, staring down at the blinking lights on her control board. For so long those lights had meant home for her, for so long those lights had been friendly. She thought about him up in his room, sleeping, and she wondered what he would do tomorrow when he got up and found her gone. She wondered if he would be philosophical and go drinking with Han, or if he would burry his hurt and mope about for the next month. Probably the former, she felt her mouth tighten. He would mope around and not tell anyone what had happened, lose weight and throw himself back into his academy, stop answering Leia's phone calls, and spend countless hours meditating in the jungle, sweating himself into exhaustion. And herself? she wondered, picturing herself returning to Karrade's employ, spending long trading missions alone on her dark ship, staring out at the universe, searching for anything to fill the emptiness. Something brushed her hand, and blinking, Mara realized that she was crying.

She spent the rest of the night on her ship, considering her options. As the sky began to lighten, she reached her irrevocable conclusion, and slumped in her captain's chair, defeated. Slowly, she stood and made her way back across the grounds to Luke's quarters.

He was snoring, lying stretched on his back, his head burried in the pillows, his bare chest lighted by the rising sun. She let the door click shut behind her and felt Luke's awareness surface. Stripping off her boots, she pulled her flight pants off. Straightening, she found Luke watching her sleepily, and meeting his eyes, she moved around the corner of the bed, pausing to pull her tank top over her head. She felt his gaze, and meeting his eyes again, she un-fastened her hair. She felt the swift heat of his interest warm her cheeks and he turned to face her in the bed, half-propped up on his elbow. Biting the inside of her cheek, she slipped under the covers, rolling to face him on the pillow. There was a small silence between them, before, taking a small breath, Mara muttered,

"I'm sorry." He blinked at her and she forced herself to soildly meet his eyes and not flinch when he raised his hand and brushed her hair back from her cheek. She felt his sense brush across her, and she allowed him access, to see her inward struggles, and for half a second, she felt fear freeze her breath in her lungs, and then his thumb moved on her cheek, and he smiled. She watched the morning light glint in the iridescent blue of his eyes, his stubble move with his dimples, and she felt a strong surge of peace through her chest, in this stillness between them. She knew it would not be the last time she would feel like running, but she felt certain it would not be the last time she would find her own way back to him either. Luke's thumb traced her lips and she smiled.

A/N: le END! hoorah! I can't believe how long this stupid story is! wth? :)


	2. Chapter 2

...siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh here we are again! don't own!

Mara sighed and turned over, momentarily disoriented by the surroundings that were not her bunk on her ship. She paused a moment, stretched across the unfamiliar expanse of mattress and sheets, and it came back to her. She had snuck into Skywalker's guest suite after landing late last night. She had made sure her presence was undetected, but, she thought, cracking her eyes slightly, blearily focusing on the window whose shade she had forgotten to draw, that was not going to last long. The re-occuring wave of panic seeped back over her and she recalled her purpose. She had spent the last month perfecting her technique before embarking on this fool's errand, but it remained to be seen if it would buy her the time and discretion to let this play out. She blinked a few time and she felt him stir in the other wing of his quarters and adrenaline raced over her. Her stomach flipped, and she surged out of the bed and for the bathroom.

She found him later in the kitchen, sipping caf and watching the sunrise in his sleep pants and shirt. His bright blue eyes smiled at her behind his coffee cup as she shuffled through the door, and she saw, by the second mug of caf on the counter that she had indeed been detected and evidently was very welcome. Her stomach flipped, and she rolled her eyes to cover her nervousness.

"What brings you out this way, little lady?" His voice was soft and self-mocking. At a loss for words, Mara ignored him and took the mug, moving to add milk and sugar to it, turning her back. Her hands felt large and clumsy and the smell of the milk made her stomach roll again. She felt him approach behind her and she moved hurriedly shoved the milk container back in the fridge. The last thing she needed right now was him touching her midriff. As much as she had worked on her cloaking technique the past month, there was no way he wouldn't sense it. She barricaded herself on the opposite counter and crossed her arm protectively over her stomach and finally met his eyes over her cup. He looked faintly puzzled, but still obnoxiously upbeat and relaxed, smiling at her with his rumpled hair and worn-out shirt that clung to the definition in his shoulders. Mara bit her lip.

"Karrade enforced vacation hours this year." She muttered. Luke snagged a piece of bread from a basket on the counter and resumed his breakfast. It was a weak lie. She'd already used up her vacation hours the three or four times she had talked herself into visiting Yavin to "catch up" with Luke.

They had settled into an easy and companionable relationship that mostly involved vacation-like behavior whenever she made it over to Yavin. Luke had made a few attempts to contact her when he went to Corescrunt on recruiting trips, but Mara had done her best to discourage these advances. There was something so perfect about their time on Yavin, she had found herself reluctant to test the waters away from it. That, and she was more than a little apprehensive about carrying on a public relationship, for her own sake as well as Luke's. And then she had made her discovery and everything in her world had changed. Whatever plans she had kicking around for the future were gone, wiped away, her life was once again a blank slate. Mara sighed and set her coffee cup down.

Which brought her back to the present. Their relationship was, at the best, ill-defined, and at the worst, doomed for failure, she thought bleakly. She blinked at him and found him studying her from his counter, and she slammed her shields in place. After a long moment, he shrugged and turned back to his coffee. Mara felt her pulse pounding in her ears.

Now, as she stood looking at him in the morning light, with his stubble, his stupid hair, and his stupid thin shirt, she realized how much she had missed him, and how much her secret self wished for this to all work out somehow. She glanced down at her unsteady hand on her coffee cup and she set her teeth.

"Been to Corescrunt lately?" She hadn't been planning on bringing this up just yet, and her voice was high and thin. Luke glanced at her.

"Yeah, went to visit Leia and pick up some recruits. Why?" Mara took a deep breath and flipped the datapad from her pocket.

"Look familiar?" Mara hated the sound of her voice wavering. She sounded tense, guarded, and weak. Luke caught the datapad and flipped it on. It was a trashy capitol tabloid and his picture was splashed across the front, his arm around some small, vibrantly pretty dark-haired woman as they left a restaurant. She had been unable to stop herself from purchasing it, and her irrational irritation over it grew every time he popped into her thoughts.

Luke snorted. "That's a terrible picture of me." Mara felt her blood pressure rise, even as she caught the hint of a smile at the corner of his mouth.

"Really?" her voice shook and she bit her lip to steady herself. "anything else you care to add to that?" Luke gave her a measuring glance and she was even more irritated to feel his slight hint of humor. After a moment he let it fall on the counter.

"listen, I don't know what you've got to be territorial and defensive about-" Mara found herself both astounded at his off-hand manner and also at the force of her desire to swiftly kick him in the balls. Settling against the counter, she fixed him with a glare. Luke's sentence trailed off and he appeared to be biting the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling. Mara crossed her arms and Luke sighed and raised his hands

"alright. alright. Listen, Leia needed someone to show this foreign diplomat around, something to do with politics, she knows I'm single, she thinks, 'hey, it's been a while since my good brother Luke made a stab at meeting someone special, I'll do him a favor and set him up.' we went to dinner, we got our pictures in the tabloids, she went back to her drab hotel room, and I went home to Leia's. End of story." He was flat out grinning at her now, and based on the heat rising in her cheeks and the mortification sticking in her throat, she knew she must be blushing. Frustration boiled out of her and finding no words, she whipped the kitchen towel at him. He laughed and caught it coming towards her and in a second she was once again trapped in his arms against the counter and he was intoxicatingly close to her. "why, were you jealous?" Mara took a deep breath and willed herself to calm down. She shook her head and he looked crookedly down at her. She could smell the soap on his skin and she suddenly had to fight back the urge to free her arms that were still crossed between them. He kissed her softly and she felt her defenses recede.

"Come on, Jade. You know that fear, anger, and jealousy lead to the dark side." He muttered, smiling infuriatingly at her again.

"how about irritation?" her voice came out more like a whisper and less like the sharp, cutting tones she had imagined. She cleared her throat and Luke smiled.

"do you remember the first day we met?" He raised his hand and brushed back her hair from her forehead. She rolled her eyes again and he kissed her again. Longer, softer this time, and she found herself relaxing, tipping her chin up against him, and he pulled back. Mara opened her eyes and he considered her face. Mara watched his mouth. "I thought you were dangerously pretty." He paused and Mara cautiously met his eyes for a second, before dipping her gaze to his chest. She felt him smile. "and then I found out it was you on the bridge I'd touched for a moment and all my half-formed flyboy aspirations were popped like soap bubbles." Mara found herself holding her breath. Luke smiled wryly. "without the force, your willful dislike pricked my pride and I spent most of that adventure trying to find ways to make you like me." Mara raised her eyebrows. That was not perhaps how she herself recollected those events. Luke looked down.

"The harder I tried, the less it seemed you were impressed with me, and the more I was impressed with how tough and smart you were." He settled his forehead against hers and took a deep breath. "you've always impressed me, Mara. We've known each other a long time, we've lived through situations and circumstances most people don't, and the longer and the more I knew you, the more I began to notice how kind you could be when you thought no one else was looking." Mara desperately wished her face wasn't two inches from Luke's and briefly, irrationally considered making a break for it. "And then I knew you were trouble." He grinned a little. "Other women stopped measuring up, and I started judging them all in terms of you." Cold fire froze her lungs and she could feel his heart pounding through his chest and his breath was unsteady. "But you needed time, and I needed time, and we were going in separate directions for a while. I guess, I was never sure if this could happen, but I wanted it to, Mara, I wanted it to for a long time." He grinned sheepishly at her and Mara, tears pricking at her eyes once again found herself at a complete loss for words. Luke smiled and she felt his sense embracing her as his thumb brushed her cheek.

"Don't cry, Jade. This is a good thing." His voice hitched a little, and her own throat constricted. Fiercely biting her lip, she captured his hand and pulled it under her shirt, against her bare stomach, dropping her guard. At first he was puzzled and then the little spark of life pulsed back against its father and she watched shock and realization and joy cycle rapidly across his face and the dam broke and she began crying for real, like she hadn't cried for years, and she tried to cover her face with both her hands, but Luke was excitedly talking and laughing and trying to kiss her and kept pulling her hands away, but he finally settled for just hugging her soundly while she sobbed unattractively into his shoulder. All the worries and doubts and fears evaporated off her shoulders and after a time the storm passed and there was just Luke and his joy and his big strong hand rubbing her back. She straightened self-consciously, rubbing her face and Luke was beaming at her like the sun breaking through clouds. There was no turning back, there was only the way forward. Slightly embarrassed, but mostly happy, she pressed her lips fiercely to his. Luke chuckled and willingly complied. In the back of her mind the half-remembered dream came back to her and she once again felt that warm protective glow. She had been wrong to despair.

...DONE!...I guess it was less a story and more a conversation! anywho.


End file.
